If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize