you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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