if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
