I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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