Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
