he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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