Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
