I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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