went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize