bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
