I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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