I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can text with my tongue
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
