Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
