so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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