the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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