I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
