I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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