Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
