I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
