We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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