I just pynch a tree in the face
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
