i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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