Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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