All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
