There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
