dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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