Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
