Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
