wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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