i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
