Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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