im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
