i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
