i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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