So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
