Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
