her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
