Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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