You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
