i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
