Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
