please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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