It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
