sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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