she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
3pm strippers are depressing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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