Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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