How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
