I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
