living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
