Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
