I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
