$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
