# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
