I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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