I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize