Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
