ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
