Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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