just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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