The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
